Happy Birthday
It’s been sparse and rare lately, and for that I apologize. There are many things I could have mused and shared—should have—but many of those lessons and struggles have come and gone, and some are still works in progress. Before long, I still plan to write a part of my story. I’ll also write the story I created for a Friday night vespers program—first-person improvisation, with just a basic idea thought up in my mind beforehand. Much came as I spoke, and I realized that God was giving me the ability to do it. I was floored. In any case, though, it was a good story, and deserves to be retold, not just created once and forgotten. I also want to write about discipline—which, incidentally, is one of my coming speaking engagements. On Fire, the title will be. It’s for a youth rally.
But for today…for today, I’m not sure. Perhaps that I have, so far, had my birthday celebrated 10 different times by individuals/groups. My small group surprised me, I was sung to at the Primary School chapel, taken out for dinner by one of the school families (their son and I share the same birthday), surprised with a special card by the 2/3/4 class, a cake by the 5/6 class, a song by one of my Friday Bible Studies (Truth and Dare), a card by one of our year 10 girls, another by two girls from 2/3/4, a cake by the group I was singing with for a church program this weekend, I shared a cake with someone else for their birthday at our church luncheon, and I’m going out for dinner with the local youth tonight.
What no one here realizes is that last year, my birthday was the first day of school, and it was full-on! I had a front desk shift that started at 6am, a full day of classes mixed with work, and finished the day off with another work shift that ended at, I think, 8 that night. First day of school and three jobs. The only birthday celebration was that my sister had me over for an early dinner (I had 1 free hour that day), and we ended up arguing through it (mostly a result of my pride). Really, if nothing at all had happened for my birthday, it would have been better than last year.
I’m not writing about this to brag or anything, it’s just that…I’ve been wondering what it is that I can learn from this. First off, I was expecting this to be a lonely year, but it hasn’t been at all! And in that, I suppose, I’m offering everyone back home, those who missed me and felt my absence on a day that they figured should have been celebrating my life a little, some comfort. I was well taken care of. They’ve treated me far better than I ever could have imagined. But the question remains: Why?
Sure, they could just be ultra-friendly people, and their kindness surpasses the hospitality of the Jews the way our righteousness is meant to surpass the righteousness of the Pharisees. Maybe they’re just that awesome. I’ll give them a little credit.
But I don’t think the back-home folk are any worse.
So, when you’re doing a science experiment, you’ve got to figure out what the variables are. Well, the other side of the planet…nah, we turn 360 every 24 hours. The opposite hemisphere—well, that just means it’s cold instead of hot here, and while I grant that many people are irritable in the heat, the States are pretty well taken care of in the A/C department. And cold weather often makes people more, yup you guessed it, cold. And no, we haven’t been snuggling ‘round the fireplace, bundled up and sipping cuppas while the Holiday music tickles our spines.
The only thing I can think of…is me. Have I become a better person? Is there less self and more selflessness? Am I a good friend now? Is pride losing the battle to humility? Could it be that my abrasiveness is being sanded smooth by the Chief Cornerstone? What’s going on?
Because when I think about it, I see plenty that I’m doing wrong. I can end the day full of regrets. But when God helps me to look past all the failures, there are things going on in my life that remind of one of those people—you know, those people that you think are how Christians maybe oughta be. The rare ones.
Bringing people to church with them ones. Simple little encouragements toward God ones. And don’t, PLEASE don’t, think I’m trying to brag about what I’ve been doing. When I stand against the mark I’ve set for myself—His name is Jesus—I’m not even sure my arrow is hitting the target, let alone nearing the bull’s eye. But I’m not really sure who this guy is…is he different than the one who left? Is it totally context? I am who I am because I am where I am? Or is it just a couple of things that happen to make me look better? No different, just a couple of nice and pretty actions?
Or is the love being shown to me suggesting that maybe I really am a more love-deserving person than I used to be? Is it that it was the rarity that I was invited to do stuff before becuase I wasn’t out there making everyone else feel loved? Am I now? Or is everyone just nice because they feel bad because I’m on the other side of the planet and I’m their charity case?
When it comes down to it, it doesn’t really matter. The end of it all is twofold: one, be happy and thankful for the incredible amount of blessings you could count in your life if you knew how to count blessings (start with your big toenail and work from there). Two, live worthy of love, but never forget that even as long as we’re growing in love, we’ll still never be worthy of Love. But that’s ok; it’s a gift anyway.
~While we were still sinners, He endured the shame; how can I ever be ashamed?
-Colton J. Stollenmaier, M.I.A.
